10 things foreign guys should know.

We go to a bar every weekend. We don't go to the bar because we want to get drunk or pick up guys. We go to this specific bar because the owner and his whole staff are really good friends of ours. So most Friday (and / or Saturday) nights we head out to Jazz Bar to hang out with some of the most authentic people I know.

Since they do a really good cocktail show, they have become quite well-known on the island and among the foreigners who live and work here. (Oh, by the way, I live on an island. It's the 2nd largest island in South Korea) In the week the bar has mostly Korean customers, but over weekends there are way more foreigners there than Koreans. Mostly men. Mostly workers at the  2 big shipyards: Samsung and DSME. Some of them are alone, some of them are with friends.
A lot of them are married (with families in far-off countries) and a lot of them are single and looking for new friends or one-night stands. And THAT is the reason behind this post. Sometimes, the girls you meet on a night out, REALLY don't want to hook up with you. And you have  1 of 2 choices: Option 1) Behave in a way that will ensure you walk out of there with at least a shred of dignity. And maybe you'll get a smile the next time she sees you, or Option 2) Be one of the typical idiots we meet every single night. This way you will know she remembers your face, if only just to avoid you when you come up the same street as her.

So here are the 10 things foreign guys should know when meeting  foreign girls anywhere in Asia.

1. DON'T  TOUCH  THEM: It doesn't matter that you haven't had physical contact with another "non-asian" for a month or more. They don't want the first sign of your presence to be your arm around their shoulder or stroking the small of their backs. No matter how awesome you think you are or how big your biceps are. Do NOT touch them.
2. DON'T  BREATHE  ON  THEM: Especially not after your 7th drink.  Booze breath is NOT sexy.
3. FOREIGN WOMEN SPEAK ENGLISH.  And sometimes, even the Asian girls speak pretty good english.  Don't discuss them, in English, in front of them. They WILL understand you. And even if they don't give you an indication that they heard, you shouldn't be surprised if they suddenly look right through you.
4. LOOK HER IN THE EYES. Yeah, that's right. Those are the two bright round things just about 20 - 30 cm higher up than where you are staring at the moment. And, as a girl who normally doesn't show cleavage, I don't know why you are looking there anyway!  Dude, its covered up for a reason!!
5. DON'T OFFER TO BUY HER DRINKS. No, seriously. Unless you know her and are willing to buy her something to drink without expecting ANYTHING in return. Cause the fact is, some girls will accept a drink if you buy it for her, but most of the times she will thank you, turn back to her friends and continue talking to them. With your drink in her hand. Leaving you with less money and feeling like a dumbass. Also, spiked drinks are a reality. Fewer and fewer girls take drinks from strange guys.
6. DON'T COME BACK. She saw you sit with a Korean girl at the bar for 3 hours. She saw you buy your date drink after drink after drink. Your date told her you were friends, she saw you trying to kiss her. She saw how drunk your date got. She saw you leave with her. She saw you come back 5 minutes later and heard you complain about how "All Korean girls are the same. They drink your booze, but then don't want to give you nuthin'." So why on this earth would you try the same trick with her?
7. DON'T INSULT THE LOCALS. It doesn't matter if you are working in Korea, Japan or China. You are in THEIR country. You are in THEIR bar. Some girls might agree with your way of thinking, but a lot of them will not. And, speaking for myself, THEY are my friends. THEY know more about me than you ever will and I spend more time with them (outside of the bar) than you will ever spend with me. If you can't be nice to them, don't talk to me.
8. THE MEANING OF "YES" AND "NO". Congratulations. You have been right all along. "Yes" and "No" actually do have hidden meanings. Just not " I want you, I need you, please take my home with you." Most of the times, when you ask a girl a question and she answers with just a "yes" or just a "no", it actually means this: "Please stop talking to me. I am not interested in having a conversation with you and the reason I am not elaborating on my answer (or, for that matter, asking you a question back) is because I am hoping you will just go away."
9. DON'T BLOCK HER WHEN SHE'S TRYING PASS YOU.  It's irritating. She just wants to get back to her friends, where she feels safe. Just get out of her way and let her go. And if you're not willing to do that, you'd better hope she hasn't taken up Taekwondo while living in Korea.
10. NEVER LET YOUR BUTT-CRACK SHOW. Does this even need an explanation?

There you have it. Some important things to think about. One more thing, and this is for the girls: They don't hit on you because you are pretty. They mostly just hit on you because you are female and in front of them. I'm sorry if I sound like a bra-burning feminist.  I'm just tired of not being able to relax with my friends. And I know there are exceptions, I've met them and never had to deal with any of the above from them. That is why they are now my friends.  PS.Teacher guys, y'all know I'm not talking about you!

(Thanks to Peter & Marrie for helping me out on this one)